By Rhonda Victoor

Sally sighed on the other end of the phone line, “Rhonda, I try to meet new people, but I’m just not connecting with them. Frankly, a lot of them are boring.”  It was our second coaching session. Sally had recently moved to a new city and was trying to connect with people to build a circle of colleagues, make friends, and maybe even land a date. She was doing all the right things: going to networking events and joining groups that interested her. But she just wasn’t connecting.

So I gave her a challenge: with the very next person you meet, keep asking questions until you find just ONE thing you can connect on. She agreed.

One week later she called to say, “I had my BIG gem moment Rhonda—I’m a snob. I hear someone share a little info and I think I’ve figured them out. I stop really listening. It’s like I put people in a tiny box and plunk them on the shelf labeled ‘boring’. I’m a snob!” 

I think if we’re really honest, there might be a tiny snob within each of us.

I know I’ve made quick judgments of people, only to realize later that I hadn’t asked enough questions. In fact, years ago I met someone that I quickly labeled as obnoxious and overbearing. Today that person is one of my most trusted colleagues. I had judged him too quickly.

So think about the people in your life that you have judged to be boring or annoying or ‘insert-label-here’. Did you ask enough questions?

Great networkers realize it’s not about being wildly interesting. It’s about being genuinely interested in others.

When you feel your inner-Sally-the-snob peeking out, pause.  Lean in and hold eye contact like you would with someone you are really interested in. Then ask questions like an investigative reporter: be curious.

My favorite curiosity statements are “Tell me more about that. What do you love about it? What’s difficult about it?” Each of those helps to create a meandering conversation that is far more interesting than how-about-the-weather conversations.

Your inner snob may be eager to plunk someone on a shelf in a tiny labeled box.  But perhaps that person is just the friend or colleague you’ve been looking for after all.    

Now stop schmoozing and start connecting!

Rhonda Victoor is an expert in the rituals of high performance. She coaches leaders and front line employees on these rituals and practices them herself. In fact, with these rituals she became the World Effective Speaking Champion after winning competitions in Ecuador (while pregnant) and Japan (two weeks after giving birth to her first child). You should also know she’s a rookie hip hop dancer and die-hard Yoda fan. Watch her in action at www.RhondaVictoor.com.