By Rhonda Victoor

I had stumbled upon a clusterfest. It was my first networking event: an association lunch. I didn’t know a single soul there. To my right, a small cluster of people huddled together. To my left a larger cluster of long-lost friends confidently shaking hands. And in front of me a sea of clusters. None of them glancing my way.

Sound familiar?

When you step into a mingle do you instinctively seek out the four people you already know? Or do you surrender to the inevitable: leaning awkwardly against the appetizer table waiting for someone to comment on the weather.

I was headed down this very path. I’d nearly convinced myself that tweeting and Facebooking were the only admirable ways to achieve networking domination. And then boom – it happened. I had an easy, meaningful, and surprisingly funny conversation while networking.  We became great friends. And I was hooked.

Here are the rituals I’ve learned in the past decade as a serial networker:

Only 2 Ws matter – who and what? Before the event, ask yourself, WHO do I want to meet? A new colleague to brainstorm with, my next boss, or a new buddy. And WHAT’s new with me? People are going to ask. Have an answer that excites you: can be about work or life. “Not much” and “keeping busy” are boring.

Find a crack in the clusterfest: Most clusters stand toe to toe with no way to enter the group. But in every room you can find a pair standing in the V-formation: bodies turned open, creating a spot for you to pause, catch their eye and introduce yourself.

Hold it – hold it: Hold eye contact long enough to read someone’s exact eye color. Add a genuine smile and warm handshake and you’ve built instant rapport. Learned that big gem from Nicholas Boothman’s book “How to make people like you in 90 seconds”.

Curious trumps witty: 98% of us aren’t stand-up comics, and don’t need to be.  Ease in by asking “what do you do?” then be curious and patient like an in-depth reporter “Tell me more about that. What lead you to that specialty? What’s the most interesting part for you?” Dive deeper rather than skimming the surface with a litany of platitudes.

Follow bunny trails: The networking conversation that launched my international speaking career focused entirely on teeth. You see, we both had braces as adults. We connected on that and 4 months later Iris hired me to speak in Belgium. Follow the bunny trails. Talk about what you find in common even if it’s not on your CV.

Pop open a few more windows: The wine and cheese is not the only (or best) opportunity to network. Who are you sitting with at lunch? Invite a few friends to your table, but ensure the people on either side of you are new. The conference trade show is another great window: wander down with the intention to meet 3 new people.

50% is a passing grade: If you spend just 50% of every networking hour meeting new people, you pass. Even as a serial networker, I can’t spend all my time in go get ‘em mode. Spend half your time actively meeting new people and the other half guilt-free with people you already know.

Your next big connection is waiting. Someone that will shift your work or your life. Let’s crack open the clusterfest and get started.

(PeopleTalk: Spring 2011)