By Rhonda Victoor

It was the first networking event of the conference.  I stood at the door, knees knocking, wishing I knew someone in the room. Anyone.

No luck.  

Then I saw him: Max. He looked like a networking guru passing out business cards like free Cinnabon samples at the mall.  He was shaking hands and spouting small talk.  I was jealous of his confidence. 

Moments later he made his way to our table. Hooray! I get to meet this guru and learn from the master. He shook my hand, recited his spiel, and thrust me his card. 

That was it.  No conversation.  No connection. Just card-thrusting.

Max was no guru. He was a schmoozer. He looked confident, but he wasn’t getting any results.

Here’s his rap sheet of networking-violations so you can avoid them:

1. Card-thrusting:
Max, like many of us, had set the goal of thrusting dozens of business cards into the hands of colleagues. Stop thrusting! Instead have a conversation and if there is a connection, ask for your colleague’s card. It will show genuine interest in them. Plus it will give you full control over follow-up: in the days ahead phone, email or invite them to meet again. Build a relationship.

2. Walking advertisement:
Max’s elevator spiel (his answer to “what do you do in your work?”) sounded like a radio jingle. Forget about rhyming one-liners. Instead, tell a little story that describes how you help people.

I could say I’m a business coach, but I create better conversation if I say “You know when someone is great at technical work and then flops as a manager? Well I coach those managers to become leaders that others want to work for.”

Insert your story here to create a conversational elevator spiel: “You know when…[insert the painful situation that you fix]. Well I…[fix it in this way].”

3. Attached at the hip:
It’s fine to attend networking events with a friend. But set a goal to spend at least 50% of your time meeting new people. Do NOT sit next to a friend at dinner: you’ll miss a prime chance to really get to know someone new.

Max the schmoozer forgot that we do business with people we know and like. If Max had let me get to know him, and shown genuine interest in knowing me, we may have connected. 

Now stop schmoozing and start connecting!

Rhonda Victoor is an expert in the rituals of high performance. She coaches leaders and front line employees on these rituals and practices them herself. In fact, with these rituals she became the World Effective Speaking Champion after winning competitions in Ecuador (while pregnant) and Japan (two weeks after giving birth to her first child). You should also know she’s a rookie hip hop dancer and die-hard Yoda fan. Watch her in action at www.RhondaVictoor.com.