By Kerry Patterson

According to a recent survey, 80 per cent of respondents feel that their stress levels have increased because of the recession. What’s worse, more than half say the added stress has caused the intensity level of their daily business and family conversations to increase dramatically.

This added stress is not only wreaking havoc on people’s communication with coworkers and family—it’s also affecting their relationships. That’s because when you’re stressed, your body sends blood to your extremities so you’ll be able to either take flight or engage in a fight. This physical response makes you ill-suited for complex human interactions.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be this way. By taking a few steps to keep your emotions in check and ensure that others feel safe to talk, you can prevent yourself from getting angry and escalating these important conversations.

Tell Yourself a Good Story. When you find yourself getting angry with others, it’s because you’ve told yourself a story about their intent. While there may be a germ of truth in any story you tell, starting an interaction with accusations and recriminations leads to anger and loss of control. In addition to your words, your nonverbal communication reflects your negative conclusion. You appear uptight, even angry. With this as your starting point, it won’t be long until the other person becomes defensive and you find yourself in the middle of a verbal battle.

Reverse this common tendency to vilify others by asking a simple question: “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?” It may be that a harsh assumption is indeed valid, but starting the conversation with a negative conclusion poisons your view and only weakens your ability to have a professional and controlled experience. If you lose control, you become the center of attention instead of the person who committed the original infraction.

Establish Mutual Purpose. Most high-stakes conversations during an economic downturn have the same punch line—somebody is going to have to go without something. The natural reaction to this nasty reality is to work hard to ensure that you’re not the one who is going to suffer. It would be nice if someone would volunteer to make the sacrifice, but most watch how others are responding and follow suit. This usually means that everyone is fighting to keep all of the resources for themselves because “they’re central to everything and can’t afford to cut anything.”

To cut this process short, start with a statement of mutual purpose. Ask: “What can we do that will best serve all of our needs over the long run? What can each of us do to serve the long-term financial stability of our business or family?” Say this and mean it.

Quell Rumors through Contrasting. Another tendency humans have is to pass on rumors when they are stressed. For example, if a company is laying off 10 percent of the workforce, it usually won’t be long before the word on the street is that 30 percent will be leaving. As you prepare and make statements about the future, don’t make promises you can’t keep, but also take care to ensure that you nip any false rumors in the bud. Do this with a contrasting statement. For example, “You may have heard ______, but in truth ______ is what will really happen.”

Encourage Honest Communication.  Finally, as you gather teams together to discuss what projects need to be eliminated and even what jobs might be cut, make sure everyone speaks his or her mind. You don’t want a vocal few dominating the conversation.

As you gather people to discuss the future, take care to call on everyone. Ask employees what they think should happen. Don’t criticize their suggestions, simply listen carefully and then check with the group. “Do others agree with this point-of-view?” By making it safe for everyone to share their views, you gather the best information available and then you and others in positions of leadership can make the best choice. By allowing everyone to take part in the dialogue, you’re getting the best ideas and including everyone in the decision-making process.

Tough times call for tough crucial conversations. Avoid falling under the influence of stress-related hormones by telling yourself healthy stories, establishing mutual purpose, quelling rumors, and encouraging honest communication.

Kerry Patterson is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers—Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant and cofounder of VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and organizational performance. www.vitalsmarts.com.