By Joseph Grenny

I’ll never forget a dear friend describing what it was like to have security guards show up unannounced to his office and stand by him as he filled the four cartons provided to him with the belongings he’d accumulated over years in his position. He thought that arriving to the lofty position of vice president would have earned him a little more consideration. But the lawyers were running this show and cared only for organizational defense. For months he struggled, not just with the pain of joblessness, but with the insult of the process.

Getting laid off is horrible. It fills the laid off person with uncertainty. It throws a family into turmoil. It makes people doubt their worth and capacity. It spreads mistrust and paralysis through an organization.

But perhaps no one fears layoffs more than those who have to issue them. Feeling the pressure of doing such a dirty job, managers become so embroiled in the crisis that they surrender their leadership focus and handle the layoffs poorly. Their inability to hold this crucial conversation results in shattered trust and battered morale among leftover employees. Here are some tips on how to avoid adding insult to the injury of layoffs:

1.    Be immediately transparent about possibilities and certainties. Leaders sometimes fear that if they suggest layoffs are possible in the future, they’ll spur voluntary turnover of key employees. Furthermore, they argue that you take employees’ eye off the ball when you hint at downsizing. I find the opposite to be true. When you establish a track record of early communication, you avoid the crippling loss of attention caused by mistrust. In the absence of prompt leadership communication, you don’t get focus, you get rumors. And rumors cost far more in the long run than any downside of prompt transparency.

2.    Feel pain when you deliver pain. If you have bad news, make sure to deliver it face-to-face. Don’t try to protect yourself from discomfort by delivering e-pink slips or other mass messages. You expect employees to be loyal to you, now is your chance to show loyalty in return by demonstrating your willingness to suffer with them. Don’t be afraid to tell them how agonizing it is for you while sympathizing with their plight. If you feel sick to your stomach, say so. If you feel like crying, a tear can help them know they’re not in this alone—someone truly cares. However, before doing anything, make sure your actions are completely sincere.

3.    Respond to anger with compassion. If someone becomes upset, angry, or accusatory, you need not respond to the content of their statements. HR professionals will tell you (appropriately) that this is not the time to make authoritative statements which could be discovered later. But by all means, respond sincerely to the emotion. You should be aware of and compliant with what you are authorized to share about the decision-making process involved in the downsizing. But in any event, you can say, “I’ve done my best to follow the policies I was given in the downsizing. And I am sick at heart that it is coming down badly on you. I am sorry for the turmoil this will cause you and assure you I will help your transition any way I can.” While this statement won’t take away the pain, it at least helps you avoid causing more pain.

4.    Replace general insincerity with specific commitments. No matter how stingy or generous your company chooses to be in the layoffs, you can offer your own support—which is often more personal and meaningful when you’re the one sharing the bad news. Have a list of things you can personally offer depending on the needs of those you’re letting go. Always side on generosity when you attend to the needs of those you’re laying off. As I stated earlier, your willingness to sacrifice for those leaving is THE determinant of how much trust you’ll have with those remaining. A specific offer of two or three things you can do for the individuals you are laying off will tell them a lot more about your sincerity than general, “If there’s anything I can do…” statements.

Joseph Grenny is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. He is a sought-after speaker and consultant to the Fortune 500. Grenny is also cofounder of VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and organizational performance. www.vitalsmarts.com.