During your career you’ve heard or read lots of advice on networking. And chances are you’ve picked up a subtle, underlying message: More is better. Why else would you have left the last conference you attended with a briefcase full of business cards? Oh, you haven’t reached out to any of those folks yet (or they to you), but you “networked” and that’s what matters. And your online networking efforts are even more fruitful—you’ve got hundreds of LinkedIn connections just waiting to be cultivated.

Andrew Sobel, co-author along with Jerold Panas of Power Relationships: 26 Irrefutable Laws for Building Extraordinary Relationships, says this superficial view of networking just doesn’t, well, work. Here is his advice on how to become a supernetworker and build lasting relationships:

Know who your “critical few” are and cultivate them.
Sobel advises clients to make a careful list of who they think should be their critical few and to build a regular staying-in-touch program for each of them.

“Your critical few should include clients or customers, prospects, colleagues, personal mentors, collaborators and so on,” Sobel advises. “Plan to personally connect two or three times a year with each of the people on your list. Add value to them in different ways. I like to think about ideas and relevant content, network value (making a valuable introduction), personal help, and fun.”

Build your network before you need it.
“You have to invest in other people before you ask them for anything,” adds Sobel. “Otherwise, you’ll be seen as a freeloader. Cultivate your relationships over time, the same way you would tend a garden. Then, when you do need help, you’ll find the people around you eager to lend a helping hand.”

Follow the person, not the position.
Those who are at the top of their careers in any field have often brought their advisors and trusted suppliers along with them over many years. While it is not impossible to break into someone’s inner circle after they have achieved great success, it’s also not an easy task.

Build relationships with smart, motivated, interesting, and ambitious people, even if they’re not in an important job right now. Follow them throughout their careers. Before you know it, you’ll know some very important, powerful individuals.

Stretch yourself by building relationships with people quite different from you.
Research shows that our natural tendency is to choose others to work with who are very similar to us. But the most creative teams, the teams that solve problems the fastest, are eclectic and combine people with very different backgrounds and personalities.

“Relationships with people who are just like you are easier,” notes Sobel. “You can quickly agree on most everything. But that can be a problem. Those people are less likely to push you and help you develop your fullest self. In contrast, a certain amount of stress and tension is productive. And, people who are different from you often connect you into whole new networks that will complement your own.

Make them curious.
When someone is curious, they reach toward you. They want to learn more. They want to take the next step. When you evoke curiosity, you create a gravitational pull that is irresistible.

“Tell people what they need to know, not everything you know,” Sobel advises. “Give brief answers to questions. Hint at things. Don’t lecture a prospective customer for 10 minutes when they ask you to describe your firm. Develop contrarian or unusual perspectives. Be seen as someone who has refreshing points of view. Say the unexpected and surprise the other person.”

Know the other person’s agenda and help them accomplish it.Supernetworkers know that the key to connecting with others is an understanding of what’s important to them. When you know what the other person’s priorities, needs, or goals are, you can figure out how to help them. And that’s where the rubber meets the road in building both professional and personal relationships. If you don’t know their agenda, you’re shooting in the dark or relying on some nebulous concept of charisma.

Every act of generosity creates a ripple.
A collateral benefit of selfless generosity is that it draws others to you. It creates an attractive aura around you—even though that’s not the reason you do it. It is what characterizes the most influential people in history, individuals like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Andrew Carnegie, and Martin Luther King, Jr.

“There is no way of knowing how your own generosity—to a cause or an individual—creates a ripple effect that influences many others. You end up touching many other lives, often without even knowing it. Supernetworkers, in short, are among the most generous people I know,” said Sobel.

As you read this you might be thinking: Great. All my frenetic attempts at networking so far have been in vain! Not true, says Sobel. Just go through your contact list and ask yourself: Who will go out of their way to endorse me and introduce me to their network? Who will drop what they are doing and help me when I am in need? Who will tell others that they’ve never known someone as trustworthy and talented as me?

“After asking yourself these questions, you may find that only five or ten people remain on your list,” says Sobel. “And that’s a great start: A handful of deep, loyal relationships is always better than hundreds of superficial contacts. Quality trumps quantity every time.”

Andrew Sobel is the leading authority on client relationships and the skills and strategies required to earn enduring client loyalty. He is also the author of eight acclaimed books on building clients for life. For more information, please visit www.andrewsobel.com.

Jerold Panas is the world’s leading consultant in philanthropy and the CEO of Jerold Panas, Linzy & Partners, the largest consulting firm in the world for advising nonprofit organizations and foundations on fundraising. Jerry is the author of 14 bestselling books on fundraising and nonprofit management.