By Kristin Zehnder

Jane is a junior manager at a local manufacturing company. She recently witnessed a sensitive and contentious situation involving one of her employees, Sally. This is not the first time this situation has occurred, and previous attempts of addressing and correcting Sally’s behavior have been nothing short of disastrous.

Jane’s challenge has been that when she tries to address the issue with Sally, she blames others—even to the point of accusing Jane and other managers of discriminating and picking on her.

Jane knows that she really ought to address this new situation, but does not want to deal with more emotionally charged conflict and potential accusations. Instead, she takes the path of least resistance, avoids the conversation and hopes that the situation will resolve itself.

What You Permit, You Promote
What Jane and many managers may not realize is that she is essentially permitting the undesirable behaviour to continue by not addressing or attempting to correct it. While this works in the short term, ultimately, what you permit, you promote.

The new Workplace Bullying and Harassment legislation of 2013 has created a heightened awareness of professional conduct (and misconduct) that managers and owners may not be aware of before. Crucial to the success of any manager implementing this legislation—and in large part being an effective manager—is to engage in challenging conversations.

Tackling tough conversations with confidence, compassion and sound comprehension is essential to effective management, conflict resolution and well run organizations. Setting up front line managers for successfully addressing challenging conversations is a key.

One provision of the Workplace Bullying and Harassment Policy acknowledges the reasonable, residual rights of managers. That said, navigating the potential minefield of a sensitive conversation can be difficult at the best of times and especially so for those not experienced in conducting investigations.

Build a More Communicative Toolkit
There are numerous resources available which build effective communication skills. Drawing from a variety of techniques and sources can help managers personalize their approach and give a fresh perspective to challenging situations. Two of my favorites are 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees (Falcone, 2009) and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (Stone, Paton and Heen, 1999).

Here are a few tips to help you in engaging in difficult conversations:

“Begin with the end in mind” is Steven Covey’s second habit in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Know your audience and prepare by establishing clear, concise objectives to steer the conversation; include questions to be asked and the message to be heard. Be mindful of reacting negatively to emotional triggers (raised voices, personal attacks, blame) and choose to respond in a calm, neutral and focused manner. This process helps keep the conversation on track while establishing a sense of fairness and consistency in applied technique.

“Feedforward.” Marshall Goldsmith, author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There , and plenary speaker at the 2013 BC HRMA Conference spoke about the concept of ensuring your message is constructive and constructed in a positive and helpful way. This approach moves conversations forward and puts the emphasis on future positive behaviour versus the past inappropriate behaviour. It promotes an engaged, transparent and attentive culture.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Steven Covey’s fifth habit in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People teaches empathy, humility, curiosity, and consideration prior to making judgments or taking action. No two conversations are exactly the same, and while they may appear similar at face value, a carefully crafted conversation may draw out extenuating factors for consideration. Be flexible to a different outcome than anticipated. When in doubt—be curious.

Believe in yourself. New and uncomfortable situations often raise feelings of self-doubt. Self-doubt leads to an overly cautious approach. Clear, concise, candid and consistent messages are better received and far easier to substantiate. People engage in challenging conversations regularly in their personal and professional lives. Believe in your own ability, strengths, and experience and push beyond your comfort zone to further hone this skill.

Succeed with Sally Sooner Than Later
As her manager, Jane faced certain risk of discomfort and friction with Sally in approaching a difficult conversation. Perhaps, she feared her own reactions and ability to conduct herself in a professional manner. Most certainly, had she been equipped with a better skill set of effective communication strategies, her approach to the situation would be both more confident and effective.

Moreover, as HR knows well enough, the risk of not addressing and/or correcting the situation becomes far greater as it grows to be an acceptable norm with a direct negative impact on the culture and environment of the workplace. Left unaddressed, this avoidance of conflict can prove to be long lasting and difficult to change.

Embrace Conflict and Conversation
As our laws, policies and practices evolve, so do our places of work. So too must the caliber of critical conversations. HR plays a key role—to ensure this holds true throughout an organization. Provide supervisors and front-line managers with the tools, techniques and skills they need to address challenging situations in a proactive and professional way from the onset.

Make it part of your management training program and hire a conflict resolution coach or trainer when you need external support. Foster a culture of intolerance towards negative behaviours and in turn, watch a culture of transparency, respect, and engagement flourish.

Finally, embrace conflict and conversations with an open mind, a sense of compassion and the belief in your own ability to effect positive change. May you have a day filled with successful challenging conversations.

Kristin Zehnder, BA, CHRP is director of human resources for Harrison Hot Springs Resort and Spa.

(PeopleTalk Spring 2014)