By Kristin Zehnder, CHRP

As anyone who has ever prefaced a conversation with the words “Don’t shoot the messenger” knows, the outcome of such conversations are usually uncomfortable.

Far too often, HR practitioners are placed in the role of delivering critical feedback to subordinates, direct reports and, yes, even up the food chain to leadership. To be clear, the feedback we are asked to give is generally not positive. (I don’t recall ever seeing squabbling among managers trying to pass the buck to deliver positive feedback.) Even when the feedback is not directly related to HR, HR becomes involved in the delivery of the message. This is where the delivery can start to go sideways—and HR feels the brunt.

People are ‘Funny’ About Conflict
People are funny creatures; we do our very best to avoid conflict. We don’t necessarily run away from it, but if we can find a way to avoid or ignore conflict, too often we will choose the path of least resistance. If there is someone else to do the dirty work for us, all the better. Animals, on the other hand, will go toe-to-toe daily with short, heated sessions which generally resolve quickly and peacefully.

No one wants to be the bearer of bad news. This is particularly true if we have to provide feedback which might hurt the person’s feelings, be perceived to be judgmental, or cause them to become angry. Even though there are many great books available with scripted examples aimed at walking us through the most difficult of situations, it’s just not the same. Each situation is unique and it can be very challenging to find the right words to ease each situation. Moreover and frankly, most people aren’t very well trained or practiced at delivering negative feedback.

Whose Message Are You Delivering?
Enter HR. HR practitioners are hired not only for our soft skills, but also our technical expertise in delivering the ultimate negative work message: “You’re fired.” While the Jekyll and Hyde approach to delivering feedback may work for some, it can also backfire disastrously.

Perhaps the most significant issue to decide is whose message is it to deliver? If you catch yourself starting a conversation with “Don’t shoot the messenger,” it is likely not your message to give.

Third party deliveries are not well received by most. Can you imagine the emotions  arising from a statement like,“Your manager has asked me to come and speak with you about your lack of personal hygiene?” Not nice. The manager delivering the message is likely embarrassed and feeling set up for failure. The recipient is likely also embarrassed and feeling unsupported, disengaged and demotivated.

The politics behind feedback delivery are divided. Is it HR’s role to deliver feedback? Even though the HR practitioner might have more experience and training delivering feedback, they may not be the right person to communicate the message effectively. It may be easier for others to pass the buck to someone more seasoned with giving feedback. Alternatively, it may be easier and faster for a seasoned HR practitioner to present the information.

However, if it’s not your message to deliver, it will not be well received. The exception to this would be addressing issues of bullying and/or harassment or other very serious scenarios.

The Switch to “Feedforward”
Instead, consider the HR practitioner role as developing others to succeed. While, the perception of feedback is largely negative, at the recent HRMA conference, Brad Karsh, author of The Good, Bad and Ugly: Giving and Receiving Feedback, spoke about a need to shift the feedback perception. Try, “You haven’t done something bad or wrong, it just could be better.”

Shifting the feedback focus from the past to a forward-thinking learning outcome designed to assist people to be better (or be more successful) is a critical element for Marshall Goldsmith’s concept of “feedforward.” He discusses “The Four Commitments “ as follows in his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There:

• Let go of the past;
• Tell the truth;
• Be supportive and helpful, not cynical or negative; and
• Pick something to improve yourself, so everyone is focused more on “improving” than “judging.”

These concept are universally applied to the messenger and the recipient. The process of how and by whom the message is delivered becomes essential to how effectively the message is received. Help define the rightful messenger of the feedback and ensure that person is given the tools necessary to deliver the message. Offering to role play in advance, coach or mediate the delivery of a message can be beneficial in building confidence and empowerment.

Practice Makes Perfect
People shy away from delivering negative feedback because it is uncomfortable. When feedback is given (and received) on a more regular basis, it becomes more comfortable and far less explosive. Moreover, feedback (good and bad) practiced with compassion and understanding, inevitably creates greater opportunities to communicate and move forward.

Kristin Zehnder, BA, CHRP is director of HR for Federated Cooperatives Limited (Otter Co-op).

(PeopleTalk Summer 2015)